Feels kinda good to be back in Delhi, just being on my own and having a lot of "me time" just gives me a lot of mental relaxation. Overall my christmas break was alright, I wouldn't say the best, but I did a lot of growing up, observed a lot of things about myself that I want to change and got rid of baggage that was bringing me down. Picked up baggage that I dropped a while ago, but it doesn't feel as heavy as it did before.
Damn I haven't been on here in a while ..
Today was my first day of spring semester it went pretty well. I got to see my grades finally (long story on why it took me so long to see them) I did well & good news- I'm not on academic probation anymore. Last semester was my first and last time being on AP I promise myself that. I love my spring courses, I'm taking baking, restaurant, microbiology and LITERATUREEEE :-) i've been DYING for a writing class. I had a meeting with my advisor today and he helped me out with an internship for the summer so I'll soon be looking into an interview with them.
a little writing exercise
finger tips dance down my spine make me shiver. Rhythmic strokes make beats that make me sing. We create music. When you hit it we make hits. Falsettos leave my lips. Grab my hips & they’ll rock when the beat drops.
Love? - Poem #6
going back to that place mentally where i swear i'd never visit,
where i dont want to visit.
but if i don't, i cant move on with my life
nah, i don't love him,
but i wanted to.
infatuation confused with love
love confused with infidelity
i was so blinded.
thought that act of infidelity was to test love
and if love was not tested i'd test it
it was an on going game
caused by lack of security
waiting for rings that were forever silent, you never bothered
for you, pride came before love.
for me, love came before anything.
the best of me is my pride, but
cause of love vested in me
pride never got the best of me
memories of us flood my mind
left me blind
not only from your wrongdoing
i couldn't see no one else pursuing...
misconceptions.
in-denial.
confusion.
i knew what i was in for
& i still went for it
you were so predictable
& even though i predicted ya every move
i still fell for it
myself is who i blame
luring me with your lies
stepping into my life
toying with my emotions
and making me numb
another lesson learned though.
but how many lessons of love must i learn for me to pass?
but nah, i dont love him.
i wanted to.
i thought i did.
thought about our life & kids
the battle was tough but
i fought ...
lost ...
but lived.
April 19, 2010
waiting patiently for the "hip" to my "hop" ..
i'll be the perfect verse & you'll be my tight beat.
ROADS - Poem #5
lookin in my rearview
fighting to go in reverse
but my shift knob wont let me
driving slowly but surely
on a new road in front of me
heart pounding cause im not sure where its leading me
just sure that this is where im suppose to be
going forward not backwards
tempted to grab the knob
shift to reverse
drive back
& find my way on your road again
and even though it was curvy
i drove like a pro
knew it like the back of my hand
i knew where to go
no GPS needed
bumps came by no surprise
and i was ready for sharp turns
even though they fucked up my wheels & brakes
i still took the risk each time
no map needed
this route was tattooed in my brain
now i can never forget it
thinkin every route is the same
and you are to blame
sometimes i hate you for that
so now i sit here
lookin in my rearview
thinkin if i should drive forward & get on a new road
will my brakes be ready for these ditches
am i the only one riding this road?
cause lord knows im not sharing a road with other bitches
will your yellow lines keep me guided?
road signs protect me from any accidents?
will you warn me from traffic any time you feel like cheating?
what happens if i get in an accident & my heart stops beating?
then what? FUCK IT?
all im saying is ..
my wheels are tired of rolling on the same rocky roads.
April 12,2010
the ipod is the outlet
the headphones is the charger
those headphones insert my ears&
the music bounces off my ear drums
this is what keeps me going
Window Seat- Erykah Badu
This has got to be the video of the year. It speaks to my soul and the words she says at the end had such a big impact on me. enjoy & feel free to comment. =]
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